communicatewithkids

My 18 year old son has been in a relationship with a girl
for the past 8 months. We talk openly about many issues,
one being sex - although we certainly don't condone
having sex at his age, we want to make sure they are
smart and safe if they decide to have sex. This morning,
after some coaching as I could tell something was
bothering him, he shared with me that he and his girlfriend
tried to have sex last night and he could not achieve an
erection. He is so embarrassed. I tried to tell him that the
first time there is so much anxiety and expectations and
this is a pretty common thing. Now he feels very "stupid"
and like a failure and he won't be able to have sex. What
advice can I give him?

First, I have to commend you on your parenting. It says a
great deal when your teen can come to you with questions
and concerns regarding sex. I teach human sexuality at a
community college and I am shocked to hear that many
young people are still being told things like you’ll grow hair
on your palms if you masturbate. Let’s get real!!! Your
coaching is right on target. Anxiety and expectations
(many distorted and unrealistic) absolutely can interfere in
the ability to achieve and maintain an erection. Many
young people experience this problem. Our sexual selves
evolve, develop, and grow over time and with experience.
Your son will be fine. And having a parent as yourself,
who believes in healthy sexuality, will only contribute
positively to your son’s growth of a healthy, confident
sexual self